Bob’s Hailstone 08-05-25
The Racket’s Unraveling, One Receipt at a Time
By Jim Reynolds | www.reynolds.com
Grook
The news rolls in, a storm of ink and lies,
Crows peck at scams beneath the chattering skies.
From Russiagate’s dust to woke’s crumbling throne,
Truth cuts the grift, and Bob’s got the bone.
[A cracked DOJ seal leaking green ink, with a crow perched atop a pile of headlines.]
[Note: Larry, our resident liberal, joins us again by popular demand. Actually, he is still out of work and needs something to do. His mom, who Larry lives with, is happy to have him out of the house for a few hours a day. She can now peacefully watch The View without Larry applauding and shouting his approval for an hour straight.]
Intro
The racket’s cracking, folks—Washington’s illusions are crumbling faster than a subsidized wind turbine in a storm. Today’s stories, pulled from the RealClearPolitics churn, expose the usual suspects: political hoaxes, cultural overreach, and policy pipe dreams, all while the Rust Belt roars back and the truth slips through. Bob’s got his crowbar, Jim’s sharpening the blade, and Larry—well, he’s still composting his feelings. Let’s dig into the mess and find the signal.
DOJ Opens Grand Jury Investigation Into Russiagate Conspiracy
Jacob Rosen, CBS
Attorney General Pam Bondi has launched a grand jury probe into alleged Obama-era intelligence abuses tied to the Trump-Russia narrative, following Tulsi Gabbard’s declassification of documents suggesting a politicized conspiracy. The investigation targets potential criminality, with no clear suspects yet due to lapsed statutes of limitations. Democrats call it a political stunt, pointing to past bipartisan findings of Russian election interference.
Political Lean: Center/pragmatic centrism
Bob: Looks like the DOJ’s finally sniffing where the swamp stinks—too bad it took a decade to find the receipts.
Jim: This isn’t justice delayed; it’s justice denied—Obama’s crew spun a hoax to kneecap Trump, and they’re still dodging the bill.
Larry: Shouldn’t we focus on ensuring election integrity for all, not revisiting old grudges?
Open Letter to CJR, on the Atrocious New York Times
Matt Taibbi, Racket News
Matt Taibbi blasts the New York Times for its role in peddling Russiagate, arguing its coverage was a masterclass in narrative over facts, leaning on unverified sources like the Steele dossier. He calls for the Columbia Journalism Review to reckon with the paper’s failures, which fueled public distrust.
Political Lean: Right/gloriously unrepentant
Bob: The Times thought they could spin straw into gold—now they’re just left with a pile of straw.
Jim: Taibbi’s holding a mirror to the Times’ propaganda mill, and they can’t stand the reflection—time to own the hoax. I won’t hold my breath.
Larry: Journalism needs to evolve with empathy and accountability, not just point fingers at one outlet.
Bad Headlines Piling Up, But Don’t Count Democrats Out
Russell Payne, Salon
Russell Payne argues that despite negative media cycles, Democrats can rebound by focusing on economic populism and cultural moderation. He cites historical comebacks and urges the party to reconnect with working-class voters.
Political Lean: Left/smug-Left sanctimony
Bob: Salon’s preaching revival while their flock’s already left the church—good luck with that.
Jim: Democrats burned their brand with elitist nonsense; no amount of spin can hide the ashes.
Larry: I’d add: embracing green jobs and fair wages could win hearts back to progress.
After Decades of Decline, Rust Belt Celebrates Its Renewal
Salena Zito, DC Examiner
Salena Zito chronicles the Rust Belt’s revival, driven by manufacturing investments and energy deregulation, with communities regaining pride and jobs. She credits policy shifts and local resilience, not government handouts.
Political Lean: Right/gloriously unrepentant
Bob: The Rust Belt’s back, no thanks to the coastal clowns who wrote it off decades ago.
Jim: While the elites sneered, flyover country rebuilt itself—proof the heartland doesn’t need their sermons.
Larry: But shouldn’t we ensure this growth prioritizes sustainable jobs for all communities?
Where Will the Tariff Billions Go?
Olivier Knox, US News & World Report
Olivier Knox examines Trump’s proposed tariffs, questioning whether the revenue will fund infrastructure, tax cuts, or other priorities. Critics warn of consumer price hikes, while supporters see it as a manufacturing boost.
Political Lean: Center/pragmatic centrism
Bob: Tariff cash? Bet it’ll pave roads before it funds another green boondoggle.
Jim: The left’s whining about prices while ignoring how tariffs rebuild American muscle—typical.
Larry: We must consider the human cost of tariffs on low-income families’ budgets.
Democrats Will Need To Back Away From the Green New Deal
Joel Kotkin, UnHerd
Joel Kotkin argues the Green New Deal’s radical policies alienate working-class voters, pushing Democrats to moderate their climate agenda. He points to energy cost spikes and voter backlash as evidence.
Political Lean: Right/gloriously unrepentant
Bob: The Green New Deal’s a fever dream, and voters are finally waking up to the bill.
Jim: Democrats’ eco-fantasy tanked their base—time to ditch the cult and face reality.
Larry: Renewable energy is still key to equity and saving our planet’s future.
Sanctions on Brazil Judge Are Wins for Free Speech, Justice
Chris Pavlovski, RCP
Chris Pavlovski praises U.S. sanctions on a Brazilian judge for censoring online speech, framing it as a stand for global free expression. The move signals a broader push against authoritarian censorship.
Political Lean: Right/gloriously unrepentant
Bob: Brazil’s judge got a timeout—guess free speech isn’t just an American hobby.
Jim: The left cheers censorship until it’s their ox getting gored—hypocrisy’s a hell of a drug.
Larry: Sanctions are tricky; we should promote dialogue to protect speech globally.
End Note
The racket’s fraying—Russiagate’s ghosts haunt the DOJ, the Green New Deal’s losing its grip, and the Rust Belt’s proving the elites wrong. Bob, Jim, and Larry bicker, but the truth’s sneaking through: common sense is clawing back. Keep your eyes sharp and your crowbar sharper.
Source Note
All stories referenced here come from the RealClearPolitics homepage. For full articles and original context, visit the site directly.
Optional Extra
Let’s imagine Johnny Carson stepping out of the time machine to deliver a late-night monologue on the news roundup we crafted. Johnny, with his smooth delivery, sly grin, and impeccable timing, would take the high-speed narrative triangulation of the DOJ probe, Green New Deal flops, and Rust Belt revival—spiced with Bob, Jim, and Larry’s takes—and turn it into a classic Carson roast. He’d lean into the absurdity, poke at the rackets, and toss in some one-liners to wake up fence-sitters, all while keeping that mid-70s Tonight Show vibe. Here’s how it might go, based on the Hailstone content and Johnny’s style:
[Theme music fades, Johnny steps onto the set, waving to the audience]
“Thank you, thank you! Great to be back—well, not really back, I’m time-traveling from 1975 to deal with this 2025 mess you’ve cooked up. [Audience laughs] Folks, I read today’s news, and it’s a circus—let’s call it ‘Bob’s Hailstone,’ because apparently, a crow named Bob is running the show now. [Grins] I’ve got Ed McMahon backstage arguing with a liberal named Larry about whale rights—more on that later.
First up, the DOJ’s opened a grand jury investigation into Russiagate. [Pauses, adjusts glasses] That’s right—the conspiracy that wouldn’t die is finally getting a second look, and they’re digging into Obama-era intel abuses. I mean, it’s taken so long, the statute of limitations is probably dating the Statue of Liberty! [Audience chuckles] Bob says it smells like a swamp cover-up—well, Bob, with that green ink leaking from the DOJ seal, I’d say you’re onto something. And Jim’s mad, calling it justice denied—Jim, relax, save some fury for the Green New Deal! Larry, though, wants to heal divisions. Larry, my friend, you’re living with your mom because of those divisions—maybe start there! [Big laugh]
Speaking of the Green New Deal, Joel Kotkin says Democrats need to ditch it—voters are tired of paying sky-high energy bills for a dream that flopped. [Nods] Bob calls it a bust, Jim says it’s a cult, and Larry—poor Larry—thinks renewables will save the planet. Larry, if renewables were so great, you’d have a job, not rewilding your mom’s backyard! [Audience roars] Meanwhile, the Rust Belt’s back, thanks to manufacturing and deregulation. Salena Zito says it’s a comeback story—Bob’s crowing about it, Jim’s cheering, and Larry’s worried it’s not inclusive enough. Larry, include yourself in a paycheck first!
And get this—Matt Taibbi’s calling out the New York Times for Russiagate hype. [Leans forward] The Times sold a hoax, and now they’re a punchline—Bob’s got the last laugh, Jim’s holding the mirror, and Larry thinks journalism needs empathy. Empathy, Larry? Tell that to the readers they misled! Oh, and Trump’s tariffs—Olivier Knox wonders where the billions will go. Bob bets on bridges, Jim sees a manufacturing win, and Larry’s crying for the little guy. Larry, the little guy’s building those bridges while you petition for squirrels!
Finally, sanctions on a Brazilian judge for censoring speech—Bob’s thrilled, Jim’s calling out hypocrisy, and Larry wants dialogue. Dialogue, Larry? The crow’s already won this round! [Grins] Folks, it’s a wild day—rackets unraveling, eyes opening. Ed, what’s the score on that? [Turns to imaginary Ed] ‘Zero for the rackets, Johnny!’ That’s right—stay sharp out there.
[Music swells, Johnny waves] We’ll be right back!”