Field Notes: The Lefty Bug Collection

Compiled by the Reynolds Institute of Natural Irony

Field Notes: The Lefty Bug Collection

Compiled by the Reynolds Institute of Natural Irony

Introduction: A Brief Note on Methodology

The Reynolds Institute of Natural Irony hereby submits these field observations as part of its continuing study into the behavioral ecology of Homo progressivus politicus.

While this genus was once presumed dominant across the North American rhetorical plain, recent fieldwork suggests a marked decline in population density and cognitive diversity. Researchers attribute this contraction to habitat loss—specifically, the disappearance of sympathetic news cycles—and an overreliance on self-reinforcing signaling behaviors.

Specimens were collected from televised panels, committee hearings, and social media environments between 2016 and 2025. Each was observed in situ, cataloged according to characteristic display patterns, and preserved in the amber of public record.

It is our hope that future generations of naturalists, sociologists, and comedians will find this archive of value, if only as a warning of what happens when emotional plumage evolves faster than reason.

Preface: On the Study of Political Entomology

In every era, the natural world offers metaphors for decline. Where once there were lions of rhetoric and hawks of principle, there are now only moths and midges circling the porch light of power.

The following field notes catalog the most common left-wing species still observed in the wild—or at least on cable television. Once formidable in swarm and sound, their numbers have thinned as the ecosystem of outrage dries up.

The purpose of this guide is not extermination but observation. These are not monsters, merely insects—small, noisy, predictable, and in some cases, strangely beautiful under glass.

1. Sandersia brittleicus (The Bernie Bug)

A once-dominant campaigner of the northern regions, recognized by its brittle exoskeleton and repetitive mating call: “Awligawky! Awligawky!” — a sound that once stirred classrooms and coffee shops into brief moral agitation.

Now largely retired to controlled environments in Vermont, the male specimen displays periodic bursts of indignation when provoked by the word “billioneh.” Despite claiming allegiance to equality, it has been observed constructing multiple nests—one notably near water.

Field note: Handle gently. Prone to shattering. Call volume declines proportionally with property value.

2. Pelosia mendacia (The Paper Shredder Moth)

A ceremonial insect known for its distinctive act of display: the public shredding of textual material following exposure to opposing pheromones. Highly attracted to marble chambers, velvet ropes, and financial disclosures marked “confidential.”

This species feeds exclusively on insider pollen, thriving in habitats where accountability is scarce and lighting is flattering. When threatened, it emits a protective mist of sanctimony and the clarion call “for the children.”

Field note: May appear translucent, but glows faintly under the ultraviolet light of hypocrisy.

3. Swalwellus odoratus (The Western Stink Bug)

Native to California committee rooms, this glossy, talkative specimen is easily identified by its consistent emission of self-regard. Known for courting foreign insects with questionable allegiances, the Swalwell bug has developed a reputation for both leakage and denial.

Best contained in sealed environments; its defense mechanism—an aromatic cloud of indignation—can linger for months. Exhibits mimicry behavior, frequently imitating authority figures while contributing nothing measurable to the colony.

Field note: Emits more gas than guidance. Avoid flame.

4. Occasio-cortex ocularis (The Barfly Moth)

Commonly called the AOC, this species is recognized by its wide, iridescent eyes and constant photophilic attraction to cameras. Often mistaken for the common bar fly, the AOC moth sustains itself on a diet of retweets and attention nectar.

Produces a loud, erratic buzz advocating economic equality while nesting comfortably within the safety of subsidized luxury. Flight pattern unpredictable—erratic vertical ascents followed by dramatic self-immolation when exposed to facts.

Denies reports that the term “bug-eye” trended upon its arrival.

Field note: Despite constant activity, has not produced measurable legislation. Noise-to-light ratio extremely high.

5. Carvillia vulgaris (The Cajun Peacock)

Native to the Louisiana wetlands and political talk shows, this species is famed for its bright plumage, often displaying the letters LSU across its chest during mating season. Emits a raspy, high-pitched screech when threatened by logic or polling data.

Though harmless in small doses, the Carville bug becomes disoriented when separated from television cameras. Feeds primarily on nostalgia and red beans.

Last seen slouching in a dimly lit “coach” as found in your common trailer park.

Field note: Notable for surviving multiple extinction events, primarily through sheer volume and velocity of sound.

6. Maddowia clairvoyantis (The Mind-Reader Moth)

A nocturnal, studio-dwelling creature with an uncanny ability to divine conspiracies invisible to the naked eye. Known for long, hypnotic monologues during which its antennae vibrate in anticipation of breaking news that never arrives.

If an apparent motive is not clearly present, she will gladly assign one to her competing species.

Avoids natural environments where walls have the potential of closing in.

Feeds on circular reasoning and vintage Watergate documentaries. The female of the species is highly territorial, marking her area with an intoxicating blend of confidence and certainty.

Field note: Once believed to possess extrasensory perception; later found merely to recycle old scripts.

7. Newsomia gelatus (The Oligarch’s Butterfly)

This polished and photogenic insect is distinguished by its theatrical wing flourishes and hand gestures that seem to conduct invisible orchestras. Hatched in a vat of Getty nectar, the Newsom butterfly has never known hunger, wind, or dissent.

Its wings, coated in media approval, reflect sunlight but absorb no blame. Though capable of long speeches about compassion, it displays predatory behavior toward small business larvae.

Demonstrates the rare evolutionary trait of consuming vast resources without leaving a measurable trace of improvement.

Field note: Sustained entirely by oligarchic funding and salon lighting. Unfit for rough weather or open debate.

8. Schumeris lacrimosus (The Cryin’ Chuck Beetle)

A soft-bodied beetle that thrives in the corridors of legislative clutter. Identified by its moist, expressive eyes and habitual proximity to television microphones.

When cornered, emits a defensive sob—an evolutionary trick that briefly confuses predators into empathy. Displays a near-magical ability to contradict itself within a single sentence.

Bears close resemblance to the Bespectacled Penguin Bug but has no shared family tree.

Field note: Often found near walls, fences, or other symbolic structures it has both funded and opposed.

See also: Pinguinus spectaculus, commonly called the Bespectacled Penguin Bug — known for its inflated sense of decorum and inability to fly under pressure. Weeps less in public than Schumeris.

9. Bookerus spartacus (The Performance Beetle)

Distinguished by its dramatic lunges and booming declarations of moral courage, this insect is best known for its ritual cry, “I am Spartacus!”—usually followed by polite silence and general inattentiveness from the swarm.

Highly visible during confirmation hearings and camera tests, it consumes energy drinks and self-regard. Habitat includes gymnasiums, press conferences, and the Senate floor (rarely occupied).

Known for understanding that something must be done, though how, why, and what have all remained elusive.

Field note: No known accomplishments in the wild, but survives on a diet of self-importance and kale.

10. Mamdani deceptus (The Painted Smile Wasp)

A sleek, urban specimen native to New York ecosystems, identifiable by its perfectly symmetrical grin—a lure that anesthetizes logic before attack. Its jaws, though small, can crush history, context, and arithmetic in one clean bite.

Prefers to nest in bureaucratic cavities and public housing rhetoric. Attracts other insects through moral pheromones that evaporate quickly under scrutiny.

Often seen in public parks attempting to bench press 25 lbs with its tiny pipe-cleaner-like arms.

Field note: A master mimic of compassion. Approach only when wearing protective skepticism.

11. Pritzkaria oligarchica (The Potato Bug of Plenty)

A round-bodied burrower, often mistaken for a harmless pill bug but sustained entirely by inherited fortune. Exhibits sluggish movement, yet wields immense mass within its territory.

Nourished from birth by rarefied nutrients unavailable to lesser insects, the Pritzker bug nonetheless advocates equality from a perch of pure privilege. Frequently camouflaged with populist dust.

Despite a constant barrage of bullets and associated mayhem, fervently claims its habitat is safe, secure, and serene.

Field note: Squishy when pressed. Emits scent of hypocrisy mixed with expensive cologne.

12. Harrisia cacklatus (The Giggling Mantid)

Easily recognized by its fixed grin and unpredictable bursts of laughter, this specimen often startles field researchers with noise disproportionate to its intellect. Known for circular migration patterns—most notably, running in rhetorical loops until exhaustion sets in.

Feeds on word salad and affirmation pollen. Frequently mistakes confusion for profundity. Despite holding ceremonial rank, its wings remain largely ornamental.

Experts note that this species has the uncanny ability to win without garnering a single vote.

Field note: Laughter may signal stress, malfunction, or both. Avoid sudden questions.

Epilogue: The Dimming of the Porch Light

In their prime, these insects filled the air with such synchronized noise that the night itself seemed to hum with purpose. But the porch light is dimming. The nectar of outrage is thinning.

One by one, the wings grow still. The slogans fade. And what remains are only husks—fragile exoskeletons of once-ferocious creatures, pinned to the corkboard of memory.

Nature abhors a vacuum. Politics adores one.

End of report.